Funny for all the wrong reasons

Dragonball: Evolution, Exeter Vue

Cert PG, PG, 84 minutes

By Graham Taylor

Oh dear. Just like last year’s Japanese Manga adaptation, Speed Racer, we discover the meaning of the word agony as you painfully sit through what is possibly the worst ever comic book adaptation ever done.

Dragonball Evolution was not my favourite film, but on the plus side, it is hysterically funny; for all the wrong reasons of course.

The measly plot revolves around American/Japanese 18 year-old, Goku Gohan (a pitiful Justin Chatwin), a young man destined to become a true hero, with training by his aging grandfather.

As Goku learns useful skills, such as how to fight on a tightrope, his grandfather tells him the story of Piccolo (James Marsters, the main villain, who stars for about 15 minutes of the film in total), a Namekian warlord who destroyed many sufficient areas on Earth.

To stop him, seven mystics banded together, and managed to trap Piccolo in a body breaking cell deep in a vortex, which turned his villainous accomplice, Oozaro (a huge werewolf type beast) into dust. The seven created the Dragonballs of the title to make an energy which stopped Piccolo from escaping.

The film returns to the present day, as Goku frets about his uniqueness. Of course, him being different obviously means he is an easy target for bullies to pick on, and girls to sneer at, but secretly harbour undying affection.

As usual, the bullies beautiful and popular girlfriend, Chi Chi (this made me laugh) - played by Jamie Chung - who recognises the similarities between herself and the young being. The only thing similar between the two is a lack of good acting skills.

As Goku leaves his grandfather behind to attend Chi Chi’s birthday, his grandfather is left alone to face a now escaped Piccolo and his villainous assistant, Mai (Heroes star, Eriko Tamaru.)

As Goku rushes home having sensed his grandfather’s demise, his grandfather last request is to guard the Dragonball, find Master Roshi and the other seven Dragonballs and save Earth.

Goku does as his grandfather wishes, with the help of the ballsy Bulma Briefs (the names really are brilliant), played by Emmy Rossum, a gun toting science babe who’s father also protected a Dragonball, stolen by Piccolo and Mai.

The two join forces to find the Dragonballs, and save Earth - but, like every other predictable film, Bulma has another plan…

They head off to find Master Roshi (kung fu legend, Chow Yun- Fat), who also agrees to help find the Dragonballs having heard of his good old friend, Grandpa Gohan.

The three head off, with more help from thief/obvious nice-person-when-you-get-to-meet-them-guy, Yamacha (Joon Park.) The four go on more dangerous missions, including a trip on a CGI volcano, and a final showdown with Piccolo that could destroy the world. Ah, the tension!

This really is a bad film. The dire acting is surprising, as there are some good actors among a young cast. Emmy Rossum and Jamie Chung gives some entertainment value, not least because of there hilarious names, but the thing that is the biggest problem is that the viewer has no connection with lead star, Goku.

Little is revealed about Goku’s past, and during the end sequences which do reveal some of his past, in what is a clever but predictable plot twist, a lot is missed out. Who were his parents? Where did his grandfather find him?

There are too many plot holes to fully appreciate the film, the most stupid plot crater being that it is never revealed how Piccolo escaped from his prison, and how he managed to recruit the young Mai so quickly. There’s too much missing in the plot to enjoy this film, even as a mindless piece of cinema.

There’s also the added fact that the script is worthless. The cheesy script is very funny; in fact, the whole film is just hysterical. The names, the noises, the script, even the main villain, who looks like a Mask reject.

The visuals are incredibly disappointing, for such an expensive movie. The action sequences are poorly constructed, with the most noticeable thing being that you can see the wires that the lead stars are hanging onto. Every major scene is done in poor CGI. The main ending sequence set on a mountain top, is badly done, and looks trashy.

The most positive aspect of the film is the music. The tension in the music pours out, using deep synths and heavily played bass. The very final scene of the film’s incredibly short 84 minutes is phenomenal in terms of music, with a soft piano, building into a loud crescendo of drums and electric guitars. Not bad for a kids flick, but others such as Wall.E would be better if you want a film soundtrack.

Dragonball: Evolution was meant to be a children’s thriller with a few scares. The only thing that made me shudder was the end scenes, which suggest a sequel is in the making. However, a poor Asian box office result should lead to any future plans for this franchise to be quashed. If not, then I fear that Japanese Manga may be permanently damaged.